Tuesday, July 31, 2007

August and October both start with AW (shit)

My name is "fearoflanding" and I have phonetic dyslexia

So, I was working away at my desk when I receive an email from my boss. She wants to meet for a few minutes to discuss the conference we are going to next week.

*cue my brain frantically scrambling to grasp some detail that will give me a clue as to what she is talking about*

I do a search of my outlook in-box for "conference" and there it is, I am going out of town in a week! Unfortunately, I was completely certain that this conference was in October. I haven't made hotel reservations, my family doesn't know I am going out of town for three days, and I'm not certain but I am probably going to have to shuffle some appointments next week as well.

This is not the first time that this has happened. Only it isn't usually such a big thing like this. You see, August and October both sound that same at first. I get them confused all the time. It is just the *aw* sound that throws me because I don't seem to mix up March and May or January and July. (But I do mix up June and July from time to time but come on, they are right next to eachother.)

Well I guess that opens up a few days for me in October now to do something fun. I just hope I don't forget.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

It was a magical friday...until

So, my friday at work was a good day. I got to work late, and we sat around and talked most of the day. Close to lunch time, we decided that we would all have lunch together so we had some of the most amazing mexican food known to man from a little local hole in the wall place here. It was the type of work day that just motivates you to go immediately after work and toss back a few drinks. I was primed and ready to hit the town!

Have I mentioned that I am cool friend impaired? NO? Well, I am. My work day was coming to an end and I had noone to go out with. Seriously, not a single soul. My husband shows up at the house ready to hand me some cash to waste on some crazy drinking fun and I just had to shrug and tell him I was staying home. He went thru the very short list of people that I could have called to go out with and I had to continue to say... nope, nope, and nope. (made it suck worse to have to tell someone else) He offered to go have a drink with me, but it had a pity feel to it and not a, "honey I would LOVE to spend some time with you" feel to it. Besides, every time we go out he wanders off with his beer to talk to his buddies. Seriously, the guy knows people EVERYWHERE. It is totally crazy.

But seriously, surely there are other women that want to toss back a few every now and then and make fun of people in the bar or just be completely goofy? I just have no idea how or where to find these people. At my old job, there was a large group of us that would get together regularly. We all just clicked and either went out or, once a month, had a big blow out at my house. We have all dispersed from that place and people's lives have changed and nobody wants to take the time to go out anymore.

You know, they have book clubs for women. I think they should have a drinking club for women. I could get all gussied up and say, "bye guys, it's club night" and my husband and the kids would wave adoringly as I backed out of the driveway only to be awakened in the wee hours so he could come pick my drunk ass up from the bar. Now THAT'S living!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


It happens from time to time. I lay in bed wide awake. The not sleeping isnt so bad it is the thinking that gets to me. See, I am an avoider.

I used to be quite a thinker. I would ponder all types of things all the time such as my goals, my relationships, dreams for the future, politics, and any number of other topics. I had a vivid imagination with an amazing fantasy life. It was a blessing and a curse. For me, it often set up expectations for events and relationships that did not occur as planned. The end result was that I found myself disappointed a lot when the results weren't even necessarily bad. I missed out on enjoying what was because I was busy being frustrated with what wasnt. So I just stopped doing it and became an avoider.

Not thinking requires a lot of work for a natural thinker. I immerse myself in mindless activities all day long. Any down moment is packed with nothingness until I am exhausted and I stumble off to bed and sleep til morning when it all starts over. But when I cant sleep, everything I avoid thinking about comes flooding into my mind's radar. Now, lets be practical, I can do absolutely nothing about invoices and marketing plans at midnight in my bed. I cant have in depth conversations with people. I just lay there thinking about these things while tossing and turning and fleeing further and further from any possibility of sleep.

So it was a late night of celebrity gossip shows and infomercials for me.


She who laughs last

laughs all the way to the bank.
The following conversation occured in my office today.
Emp 1- Do either of you want to take my accounting test for me tomorrow?
Me- Sure whats it cover?
Emp 1- It is over the principals of (my mind wandered off at this point so all I heard was blah blah blah and gobbledy gook)
Me - Sure thing but you know the only business type class I ever took was economics and I dozed off all the time.
Emp 2- No kidding those classes are a real beating
(Emp 2 and I laugh at emp 1 and her horrible class)
Me - Of course you realize that once she finishes these classes she will be making twice as much as we do
Emp 1- hahahahahahahaha
(Our degrees in the helping profession were a very poor choice)


Thursday, July 19, 2007

I am only a danger to myself

Look at this:
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Do you see it? And no, I was not attacked by a crazed raccoon on my way to work. See, I left the house wearing this shirt this morning. I went to a large meeting with some important community people, and I looked down mid-meeting to discover that my shirt has been ravaged. I am out, in public, looking like I have been molested by a ferral beast of some sort. What the hell happened to my shirt? Well, I solved the mystery quickly and here ya go:

See, sometimes I like to have a glass of wine to unwind. Just a little red to release the tensions of the day. Now first off, I am no wine expert and I actually prefer my wine cleverly packaged to fool me. See, if you buy a wine bottle, you might drink the whole bottle and then you say to yourself, "wow, I polished off that whole bottle by myself!" and internally high five yourself. (Or that is what I would do) Unfortunately others will say, "Wow, you polished off that WHOLE bottle by yourself!" Did you notice the all caps word? Well that is accompanied by a scathing condescending glance. (or at least that is what I imagine in my mind) Now, if you buy your wine in this form:
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Noone will ever know how much you drank for sure, not even you. (Of course I am kidding, I buy the wine that comes in the boxes with the pour spout.)

Anyway, the other night the husband goes out for a night with his brother and I decide to whip up some gourmet dinner for the kids and have a sip of wine. (gourmet dinner = frozen pizzas) By the time the pizzas were finished, I am apparently a little tipsy.
This was apparent because I
1) pulled out the utensil drawer and spilled out all the utensils on the floor
2) dropped a whole pizza, topping side down of course, on to the oven door

It was not until this morning that I realized that I also melted part of my shirt on the oven door. Maybe they should come up with a line of fire-retardant clothing for the domestically challenged?