Fear Of Landing

I am only a danger to myself

Look at this:

Do you see it? And no, I was not attacked by a crazed raccoon on my way to work. See, I left the house wearing this shirt this morning. I went to a large meeting with some important community people, and I looked down mid-meeting to discover that my shirt has been ravaged. I am out, in public, looking like I have been molested by a ferral beast of some sort. What the hell happened to my shirt? Well, I solved the mystery quickly and here ya go:

See, sometimes I like to have a glass of wine to unwind. Just a little red to release the tensions of the day. Now first off, I am no wine expert and I actually prefer my wine cleverly packaged to fool me. See, if you buy a wine bottle, you might drink the whole bottle and then you say to yourself, "wow, I polished off that whole bottle by myself!" and internally high five yourself. (Or that is what I would do) Unfortunately others will say, "Wow, you polished off that WHOLE bottle by yourself!" Did you notice the all caps word? Well that is accompanied by a scathing condescending glance. (or at least that is what I imagine in my mind) Now, if you buy your wine in this form:

Noone will ever know how much you drank for sure, not even you. (Of course I am kidding, I buy the wine that comes in the boxes with the pour spout.)

Anyway, the other night the husband goes out for a night with his brother and I decide to whip up some gourmet dinner for the kids and have a sip of wine. (gourmet dinner = frozen pizzas) By the time the pizzas were finished, I am apparently a little tipsy.
This was apparent because I
1) pulled out the utensil drawer and spilled out all the utensils on the floor
2) dropped a whole pizza, topping side down of course, on to the oven door

It was not until this morning that I realized that I also melted part of my shirt on the oven door. Maybe they should come up with a line of fire-retardant clothing for the domestically challenged?

Labels: stupid stuff I do

posted by fear.of.landing @ 7/19/2007