Sunday, September 09, 2007

Parenting Challenges

Sure, I could talk about discipline, boundaries, conflict, or any number of serious parenting issues. But, this isn't really so much of a mommy blog. (see previous post if you need to clarify that)

Last Friday I encountered one of my most common challenges as a parent: Not laughing out loud at my children. Let me clarify, I just said AT my children, not with.

See, on Friday my 13 year old daughter had her first mall adventure with her peers. Meaning, I let her go to the local mall with a few other girls for about two hours after school. I made her call me as soon as she got to the mall. I lectured her about the proper protocol for distancing herself from her friends in case one of them was a shoplifting juvenile delinquent. About an hour later, I get this call and my daughter is in mid-conversation with an adult saying, "I don't know ma'am do you want to ask my mom, she probably knows"

At this point my phone goes dead. I am imagining all the hijinks that may have occured. I can hear panic in my child's voice as I picture her sitting in the security office at the mall being quizzed by a mall nazi. I immediately call her back. Apparently, my daughter had an accident on the escalator and was filling out a report for the store. She assured me that she was okay, just a little shaken up. Now, here is where the parenting challenge begins.

If I have an accident on the escalator, I will attempt to minimize any possible attention that may be paid to me. I would even deny needed medical attention to try to get the attention off of myself.

STORE EMPLOYEE: "What do you mean you don't need an ambulance?
Your arm has been severed!"

ME: "I'm fine, really. It's my left arm and I am right
handed. I"ll just put some ice on it when I get home"

STORE EMPLOYEE: "It is spurting out blood!"

ME: "I'll just grab some papertowels from the ladies room" (said while frantically dashing away from the scene)

Now I give you my daughter's response as soon as she falls:

"OH HELP ME, OH GOD, SOMEONE SAVE ME"
(notice how it is in all caps? That is because she did yell it, at the top of her lungs no less)

She was just fine, of course, except for a wicked escalator rash on her back. So, I hang up the phone and am repeating the story in my office and we are all dying laughing. I mean tears streaming, imagining her screaming like someone was holding a gun to her head and I am trying to get it out of my system before I have to see her and attend to her like a mom is supposed to. Which I did, effectively and with a compassion that would have made June Cleaver envious. But then my older daughter calls. (okay, I sent her a picture of her sister's back) I assure her that her baby sister is fine and then relay the incident with tact and caring. (the victim is only a few feet away from me on the computer at the time) Big sis is the picture of compassion until she asks, "Oh my, what did she do?"

I whisper, "she screamed, OH HELP ME, OH GOD, SOMEONE SAVE ME" and suddenly on the other end of the phone is the same hysterical laughter I experienced earlier. Only this time, I. must. not. laugh! All I can do is casually say, "I know, that is exactly what I thought and other conversationally appropriate remarks so that the victim doesn't know.

Parenting is so hard y'all!